Humblings
Getting humbled is always a good thing
When we are by ourselves, it can be easy to become delusional.
A little bit too much pride, and we fall for the illusion of being more than we really are. A little bit too much doubt, or fear, and we can believe that we are hopeless.
That’s one of the reasons we need other people.
Other people can help to break the illusions that we have cast around ourselves in private.
For example, it might be in your nature to believe you are a very neat and tidy person. This might even be somewhat true. There’s hardly ever a dirty dish laying about. You’ve got good manners.
But if you ever find yourself around someone who is much more orderly than you, it can be hard to keep this act up.
Maybe you’re eating a meal with this person, and you realise that they carefully place their cutlery down on the plate while they’re not eating. And you, to your shock and horror, wave your knife and fork about like a pirate.
In that instant, you just aren’t as orderly as you thought you were. In a very particular, personal way, you’ve been humbled.
This is a good thing.
Most of the time, we hang onto our habits and beliefs so stubbornly that it takes a certain kind of person or event to have this effect on us.
I tend to think I'm a pretty calm person. But one day, I’m sitting in a theatre waiting for a show to start and I notice a very calm older woman sitting near me. She’s incredibly still. She’s simply sitting. I realise my legs have been thrashing about, my fingers have been itching my scalp and thumbing through my phone. In contrast to her, I’m all movement.
It might never happen, or take a lifetime, but at some point, our confirmations and expectation are eventually bowled over by reality.
This is a good thing.
Reality is a good thing. But that doesn’t mean it feels good when it smacks you in the face.
Reality can hurt because it is shattering and dissolving something we thought was true and good and right. That’s what a belief is. I’m competent at riding a motorbike. I’ve got a business mind. I’m a good person.
These ideas can give us a lot of structure and stability in our lives and how we orient ourselves in the world. When we can’t hug them close, it hurts. We might feel like we have nowhere to stand or nothing to hold onto. We might suddenly feel small, or weak, or strange, or odd, or imperfect, or broken.
But once the pain, which can often be just a mild irritation, subsides, humbling is always a good thing, because reality is always a good thing.
It’s always new and refreshing. It's always spontaneous. It’s what is actually happening.
And although it can feel comfortable, familiar and safe to pat yourself on the back, and to tell ourselves certain things, even if they are partially true, we tend to be better off when something or someone comes along and unapologetically and undoubtedly shows us we don’t know what we are talking about.